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  • “It’s about communicating with our kids,

    talking to them and listening to

    their answers.”

     

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        Respect YOUR Children

         A Practical Guide To Effective Parenting

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Featured Shows

blogtalkradio-logo Listen to Jay at BlogTalkRadio live. Access past radio episodes and follow for future episodes! Explore Jay's shows which discuss various issues within the family relationship and assist people to become a generation of change, and not repeat the negative patterns from their past.

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Who is the Family Answer Man?

Jay Fitter is a licensed family therapist with 20 years experience and answers your questions on all relationships issues.

Why He Does it…

My father had a 3rd grade education, and my mother 5th grade. My childhood was spent in poverty, moving in and out of apartments and motels. Much of our food came from church donations and we had used clothing.

My father was verbally and physically abusive and died when I was sixteen. I had already been working to help support the family, but after he passed , I had to work full time. My parents were told by school administrators when I was in elementary school that I was going to be a drop out. I attended in excess of twenty schools, often not even remembering what state I was in. There was virtually no adult guidance through my childhood and teen tears, as a result I made a lot of poor choices.

When I became an adult, I decided that I didn’t want to pass this kind of life on to my children.

I have seen the positive changes that have occurred in parents, kids, and even hard core gang members in juvenile hall. I know that we can’t change the past, but we don’t have to repeat it either.

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Ask Jay

Ask Family Therapist, Jay Fitter through Facebook. Present your questions during a LIVE show and your answers may be aired.

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Sexual HARASSMENT:
Raise your hand if you're a female and you've never heard of a man harassing, or objectifying a woman for his own sexual gratification. I'm guessing there aren't many hands raised. We hear that term almost every day, maybe it's a co-worker, boss, CEO of a large corporation, or even the President. It seems so much more common today than the past. I don't believe that's the case at all, in fact I think it occurs less often, we just hear about everything immediately because we have access to what's going on in world instantaneously. Does anyone believe that 50, 100, or even 1000 years ago these behaviors didn't exist to an even a greater extent. Can you imagine a woman taking a man to court a hundred years ago because he made an inappropriate sexual gesture towards her. These behaviors have been present throughout recorded history. From the times that it was perfectly acceptable to have multiple wives, to today where celebrities and rich executives have a different woman in their bed almost every night.
I have seen men willing to risk losing their family, career, and even their freedom to quench their sexual desires. If so many men are willing to put everything on the line for sexual gratification, then isn't It somewhat naïve for us to think that we can change these behaviors through work seminars, or telling someone that it's wrong and they shouldn't do it? I've run treatment programs for adolescent offenders that lasted 18 months with mixed results. I can't imagine turning someone's belief system around in a few hours. I believe there needs to be significantly more treatment available that teaches men to understand the full impact that they are having on a woman with their behavior. Many people never developed the ability to feel real empathy, they go through life seeking out whatever will meet their need at the moment, without any consideration of the implications of their actions. For many men, the most powerful immediate gratification is sexual.
As I'm writing this, I just learned that one of the most popular hosts on TV was just fired because of multiple allegations. So many people live their lives this way.
I believe the best way to address this issue is in the home. Parents being role models for the children. They need to demonstrate appropriate acceptable behavior, as well as values and morals. Unfortunately, this does not occur in many homes. Children are very good at accepting and emulating the role models they have. More times than not, kids will have the same values and morals that their parents have, and then pass on the same behavior to their own children.
High school is also a breeding ground for reinforcing this type of behavior. If a boy has sex with multiple girls, he's admired by his peers. On the contrary, if a girl has been with multiple partners, she's viewed as "Easy" or a slut.
It's going to take a lot to bring about significant change.
We know right from wrong, now it's time to take to the next step with parents and schools. That doesn't mean suspensions or loss of privileges. It's obvious those techniques don't work. I believe that genuine change can take place, but that means changing values and belief systems. The question is, are we willing to put forth the time and effort that it's really going to take to bring about this change that will be genuine, permanent and will last a lifetime?
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4 weeks ago  ·  

 


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Get in Touch

Contact Mr. Jay Fitter on Facebook, Twitter, or through email.  To schedule an appointment, please contact Jay’s office phone number – (951) 272-8304


Jay’s office is located in Southern California.

jay [at] familyanswerman.com

(951) 272-8304

www.familyanswerman.com